even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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