just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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