I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
