is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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