so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
