So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dear god my vagina.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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