I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
