living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
