I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
