Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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