you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
