We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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