I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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