I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
