I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
