It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
