Please, let me fuck your mom
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
