ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Randomize
