Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am spending my child support on dildos
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
