I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Randomize
