What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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