Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Randomize
