No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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