my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
