why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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