32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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