Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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