Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
