cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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