I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
