Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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