dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
