i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
