According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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