he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
