There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
