Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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