Need sex. Gaining weight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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