found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
