I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
from now on my penis is your penis
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You took a bar mat shot.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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