what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize