He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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