If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize