if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
