i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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