everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
