He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
