standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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