i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
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