then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
