I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
