her vagine was all disorganized.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
