i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
