i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
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