Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
