new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
