Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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