I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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