watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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