Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
