a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
