Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
