remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize