I'm drive I can fine osifer
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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