So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize