Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
