Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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