i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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