Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
