one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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