My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
