after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
