The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
