I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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