I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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