I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
