Only a mothe r could love this liver
I look better un-naked...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
