I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
