I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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