Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
