My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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