please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
